Reveal to me, Oh Lord, my indiscretions!

Today, Lord, I feel a weight on me.  My head is heavy and clouded, my heart is in pain, I am confused.  I feel like crying.  I know that most people would say that this is the depression that follows after having a baby, but I believe we decide to be depressed and can decide not to be depressed.  I do not want to be depressed.  What is this that is burdening me?

I have learned when feeling this way that it is usually something standing between you and I . Something I need to confess.  That the devil has once again delved his claws into my weaknesses and is pitting them against me.  Reveal to me, Oh Lord, my indiscretions and sins so that I may confess them to you and once again be in your righteousness.

I confess my worldliness to you, Oh my God!  I have selfish desires such as wealth.  I also have a burning desire to be able to do what others have the freedom to do.  Its the little things like having time to myself and accomplishing more of what I would like to do as an individual.  Watching so many other moms go for coffee and get together whenever they would like.  I have a hard time maintaining relationships, Oh God, because of lack of trust of human beings and because my time is so limited to outside of my household.

I feel so overwhelmed with my parental and spousal responsibilities.  Even now as I write this I have the baby crying whom I just fed and changed twice.  Everyone is starting to get up and ask for breakfast.  Then next will be all the questions that start off the day.  Or just the inevitable, Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?

I got up early enough to have some me time or so I thought.  It seems that I cannot get any quality time with you or to myself unless I get up at 3:00 a.m. every morning.  Even then John will get up and ask me what I am doing.  Even after telling him it doesn't dawn on him that this is the only time I have to myself to meditate, to write, to exercise....but I am not that effective at 3:00 a.m. or if I am I will be ineffective for the rest of the day.

When I was young I wanted time to rush by to become an adult. Now as an adult, I would ask you to slow it down a little so I can enjoy my time with my family and handle all life's daily responsibilities.

I do not want to keep feeling such disregard for my family as though it is them being selfish.  I do not want to keep feeling sad and overwhelmed by not being able to accomplish my personal goals.

I know soon enough the children will be off living their own lives and time with them will be few.  Help me to remember that as they ask me a simple question or ask to spend time with me playing a game.

I know this is you showing me that, Mary, now you know how I feel as a Father when my children are constantly requesting, requesting, requesting and not giving me due respect through worship,prayer, and sharing of my Good News.

I do not want to be selfish, Father, I want to give you your time and share your Word.  Please help me to better prioritize my days in order to accomplish your will in my life.  And if you see fit, Father, if it is within your will, could you help me to carve out time for me to be successful in my own ventures.  Thank you for listening, Father.

I praise your Holy Name, Father God!