I continue to struggle through adversity after adversity.

I love my husband, however, I sometimes doubt his salvation.  I have to believe him when he says he has taken the Lord into his heart, but he is a laid back christian just going through the motions.

I am reminded constantly of Psalm 55:12-14:

If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. 

But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend,   

with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God,
as we walked about among the worshipers.

 We recently have gone through some tough times.  In that I can no longer live a life of strife.  He does not see this catastrophe that we are under.  He justifies all actions hence regarding himself as clean.

I am not without fault. Satan knows my weaknesses and has brought me to a place of severe depression.  Stress filled days leading me to much fatigue and physical and emotional pain which take me away from my family.

I have prayed to the Lord for a long time now for relief from this situation, from the thorn in my side.  I know that the thorn needs to stay there for a time in order for Him to progress His work in me.  Build my faith, trust, and strength in Him.  It is amazing what He can do!  You think you have the faith of a mustard seed in order to move mountains and then the Lord allows such battles in your life that you realize your faith is so lacking.

Do it in my time, Lord, please, oh please!  Hurry this agony along.

I have been brought to a place to face my fears.  Telling my husband exactly how I feel.  Yet needing to do it with compassion and grace as the Lord would do.  This is tough to do.

But it is even tougher when you find yourself no longer willing or able to pray for the person who should be your best friend.  Don't get me wrong I do lift him up each morning to God but there is nothing in particular I can pray for anymore.  He is God's responsibility.

I have struggled so much that it has come down to whether we should stay together.  

The Lord hates divorce, but there are seven things the Lord considers to be an abomination (Proverbs 6:6-19):

There are six things which the LORD hates, 

Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,

And hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.

Sadly I see these in my husband.  You do not want to believe that the person you love is capable of lieing to you for their own purposes but.....

So after fervent prayer for about two years now, well honestly longer, the Lord has sent my sister-in-law and many others to say to me, What is wrong?  What is going on, Mary?  You are not the same.  Not happy.  Not right?  She is the only one to open her home up to me and SIX kids.  That amazes me.  Because during my prayer I always thought to the Lord, who would be willing, that cannot even be an option can it?

I took a step of faith and started the process.  I even told my husband.  It would be a process because I am from NJ and we live in NY now so it would be no easy feat to go to court before leaving to gain approval to move the children.

Then as we are going through these steps, God gives him and opportunity to work for two years at a company through the union.  So now I need to give him the benefit of the doubt to move forward and do the right thing for his family.

I am not sure how to read this sometimes.  Which is God's gift?  Which is satan's actions trying to stop me from growing in the Lord?

I feel strangled in my faith with my husband, but yet I have heard such marvelous stories of women consistently praying for their husbands and seeing miraculous turnabouts in their lives through God.  Could my husband be one of those miracles?

Lord, help to guide and lead me through these troubled waters.  Help me, Lord, to see your will for me and look past my own desires.  In Jesus' name I pray.  Amen.

How awesome He is! All glory and honor be yours Almighty Father! Have a great and blessed day my brothers and sisters! Love, Mary Don't forget to post testimonies, encouragement stories, prayer request.......we are all family. Not a believer or follower. Read more about Jesus. Allow His amazing gift to free you in your life today! Not a believer or follower.  Read more about Jesus.  Allow His amazing gift to free you in your life today!