A little over a year ago, my husband and I chose to sell our home in New Jersey. It was scary not knowing where we were going to live. My husband and I had different points of views and had trouble deciphering where it was that God was leading us. Through prayer I felt God was leading us one place but my husband felt compelled to search elsewhere. According to the Bible, I am to support my husband and allow him to be the head of our household while I be the heart of the household. I prayed for God to grant, John, wisdom and discernment for our move.
We looked in different states. Weighed our options. When we sold our house we temporarily moved into a cabin for the summer while looking for our new home.
A lot of people cannot believe that we lived in a tiny one room cabin with 6 of us and one on the way. But how I miss that cabin. We were among like people. It was so serene. You felt connected with nature and to the One that had brought all of this beauty into our midst. God was so ever present and close. There were no outside distractions or daily routines to overwhelm us. Just us and God's beauty surrounding us.
We finally did find a house in New York State which is odd because we were looking in Pennsylvania. God has a way of just leading you when you allow all your concerns, worries, and daily activities to be driven by Him.
I did not know why God led us to this house on Hotchkiss Hill. It wasn't even a house that I could say "ooh, I want that house!" My husband loved the property. I had to agree that it was a good deal for the land and the house which was what we were really looking for in a home.
The only real turnoff was how nearby our closest neighbor was going to be within 50 feet of us. We were hoping to have a little more privacy in that area but you must give and take. The house was currently empty so we would cross that bridge later.
We settled into our new home. Spent our first holidays together in our new home. Struggled with missing our old home and family.
Then that spring some new folks were moving in next door. We had just gotten so used to be alone that this came as a total shock to me. Here I was enjoying our new found life that God had granted us. I was loving the quiet, serene state. My husband seemed to invite the newness of life next door. He was excited.
There I was with my hormones flaring. A baby in arm and another one one the way. So, Lord, who are these new people? What will they mean for us? Who will they be? What is our purpose in having them next door?
Our neighbors had brought into our lives a flow of different people. Amongst the people we have met over the last eight months or have had the opportunity to get to know better as a result of them moving here, only one is a believer in Christ.
So this is where God had brought me to live among the unbelievers! Why? My life became so animated.
I thought that I had prepared myself for anything. I thought that I was right with God and could handle any situation brought to me. But it seemed I was not ready for this trial in my life.
I always thought of myself as someone who loved everyone. But I suddenly was not liking the types of people who surrounded me. I found myself to be very untrusting and not as loving as a person - distant.
Temptations had surrounded me. Temptations that I thought I had overcome or was trying to overcome. They were staring me right in the face. And I was fearful of facing these temptations. And yes not being very happy with God for bringing these people into my lives. Why couldn't you place a more god-like family next door to us? Why these people?
I wanted an opportunity to witness and be a speaker for God and I now had the opportunity with many people. I felt overwhelmed by all of this responsibility. I felt it was unfair of God to place me in this position. But when you decide to follow Jesus and place your faith and trust in the Lord, you must be prepared to take on the challenges He brings forth to you.
Maybe God is preparing me for an even bigger project. I always felt in my heart that I would like to do missions in a third world country but if I cannot even handle a few nonbelievers in my own backyard, how could I handle the persecution from a whole town of nonbelievers? Who was I kidding I am nowhere near ready to face those challenges. Count your blessings, Mary, that you are only being ridiculed or mocked instead of being nailed to chair or executed for your beliefs. How selfish I was being.
So what do you do when you are faced with so many people that the Bible warns you to keep distant from their evil ways? You pray. You fast. You seek God in all that you do. You worship Him. You allow His music to be heard from your home and your heart. You prepare yourself through daily devotions and conversations with God.
It is in times like these that you realize that you have so much you need to build on in your relationship to God. It is in times like these that you realize how little faith and trust you really may have in your Lord and that you need to re-establish your relationship and faith with Him. Strengthen that bond with the rock in your life.
It is a daily struggle filled with rejection, persecution, and failures. But I know that I can accomplish anything through God. I have seen a lot of changes take place in the lives of these people over the last months. I have seen a lot of struggles and improvements in their lives. I may not be able to bring each and everyone of these people to their knees proclaiming God's name but I sure will keep trying to witness to them through my actions and scripture in order to plant the seeds and/or water them.
Thank you, Lord, for building me up to take on such a responsibility. Thank you, Lord, for entrusting me with so much. Thank you, Lord, for helping me overcome my selfishness and self-righteousness so that I may see the purpose you have set forth for me. Please continue to strengthen me and lift me up and to humble me so that I may be a vessel of Your Word. Your faithful servant, Mary.
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