I just had a baby had on Sunday evening. It's a boy! Man what an experience. The pain endured during labor seems so unbearable and yes I can talk about the pain. My last two I had no drugs for the labor - not by choice - but it was definitely an experience that has defined me as a person. After all if Mary could give birth to our Savior in a stable filled with hay and animals with no comforts of a bed or doctors, why could I not suffer for my own biological child - who is a child of God's too.
Another eye-opener is what type of mother do I want to be. Even after given birth eight times, it is a question I revisit. One that my older children benefit one from as well. It gives me a chance to reexamine myself. Self observe my shortcomings and strengths. Really get into it with God and discover where I need improvement.
I hold onto a lot of grudges and resentments without even realizing it. I always think that I give this to the Lord, seek forgiveness, and forgive the other party and it should be okay, but Satan is a tricky enemy. He knows our faults, our weaknesses, our past transgressions. He uses these against us. And we give in to those temptations.
We are lucky to have a just and loving and merciful God who is willing to work with us and forgive us and show us how to forgive.
I read something today I wanted to share with you. We hold onto our resentments until we can see the justification in them. Forgiveness is letting go of these resentments setting the so-called guilty party free of any wrongdoing thus setting ourselves free from any further grudge - this is mercy. Unforgiveness is finding justification for holding onto our resentment and grudge so that the guilty party will have to pay for his/her wrongdoing - this is called justice.
God probably went through the same conflict with us. We were disobeying Him left and right. Debauchery, sexual immorality, pridefulness, idolatry......etc...the Lord probably would have liked to see each of us called upon to answer to these sins against Him and pay for each of them. But our God is a God of mercy, love, and peace too. He decided we deserved to have the chance of reconciliation with Him. He sent His One and Only Son to earth - the man who knows no sin - to experience sin, to become sin and die for our sin so that we may have a relationship with God Our Father, be forgiven, and spend eternal life in Heaven.
God did not have to decide to save us in this way. He could have continued the world as in Old Testament times. The laws in OT times were tough and a lot harder. A sacrifice for this sin, another sacrifice for that sin, eye for an eye.....but the Lord loved us too much. He did not want us to know the consequences of such justice.
He wanted us to experience so much more with Him. He wanted us to be able to experience His peace, love, joy, comfort, kindness, gentleness, mercy, self-control and to bear these gifts upon others in our lives.
Stop hurting yourself and your loved ones by holding onto resentment and grudges and allowing the cancer of anger to eat at you. Ask the Lord in help in revealing these weaknesses within you and to help you to forgive the individuals involved including yourself. Set yourself free to love others and yourself.
Do not let your children see you casting stones upon another. What do you want them to be children of peace, love, harmony or children of hatred, anger, and justice?
May the peace of Christ be with you today and everyday!
Love, Mary Ludolph
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